Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy!

I am so wimpy! My "flesh" is weak, even though my spirit longs for self-discipline. I have long struggled with careless spending of money, not large amounts at one time, just little stuff here and there that is not really necessary and drains the cash. I also had made it two months without diet coke and now have begun to drink it pretty regularly again. ARGH! That motivation I had initially to quit is gone and I wish it would come back.

I think it all boils down to self-satisfaction. I am a slave to it evidently. I let my wants and desires govern my actions. I can empathize with the frustration the apostle Paul expressed when he wrote, "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." (Romans 7:18-19) "When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (verses 23-25)

I'm at square one again. When I wasn't drinking soda, I was amazed to find dollars in my wallet for longer than ever before. It felt so good! Why is it the memory of that success and how good it feels isn't enough to keep me on track? I think it's a lesson in self-denial. I know I need to learn it. It's doubly difficult in our culture, where "self" is worshipped as the almighty diety in each of our lives and whatever satisfies "self" is the answer.

I guess this is why Jesus said that few choose the narrow path, but many choose the wide and easy road, which leads ultimately to destruction. It's as if there are lots of exit ramps from the narrow path, on which Satan tries to lure us onto the broad and seemingly blissful way he offers. There might be signs that read things like, "Exit 23: Harmless Addictions that Satisfy" or "Exit 62: Delicious Splurges for Fun". Thank Jesus there are also exit ramps from the broad way back to the narrow path with Jesus. We are so fortunate He is the Savior of another chance. (and another, and another...)

Diet coke isn't evil or necessarily harmful to me, but the behavior is one that needs to be excised from my heart. It would be one less area of "infection" in my spirit. No wonder I felt so free and peaceful when I was making headway a few months back. "Throw off everything that hinders and the sin which so easily entangles..." Hebrews 12:1

The words of Paul resonate in my heart whenever I read them, including these... "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (II Corinthians 12:7-10)