Got a plan

I am sitting here paying bills and planning for the months ahead. As usual, I have a nervous stomach ache looking at our obligations and the limited income to fulfill them. I put off this task until absolutely necessary and a big reason for that is because it's like an accusation staring me in the face. We would be ahead and able to handle things if I wasn't such a spendthrift. The guilt piles up when I think of that and how if I was not this way our life would probably have been easier all along -- even since we got married. I guess there's no use crying over spilt milk, or even spent dollars, but I truly feel sorry about it. This bi-weekly/monthly task always has me wishing I could time travel back and undo some stupid decisions in the past. Sure, my hubby went along with some of these not-so-smart ideas, but I am responsible for the lion's share.

While contemplating the next month's bills a little voice spoke to me and helped me think of a "quasi-plan" to help me get over my impulsive-spending-mental illness. (Yes, God, I'm listening...) I am going to leave my debit card in my dresser drawer at home and use cash for groceries, gas, etc. If I don't have the cash, I don't buy. It will help a lot, I think, because the debit card is SO EASY to use and those little purchases add up in unbelievable ways.

I wonder how I got this way. We all have our hangups, right? This is mine, in a big way. I am in the process of boycotting Target because of their policies anti-Salvation Army bellringers, and anti-"Christmas" but I'm thinking there will be a bonus in that I won't be in that store. Target has always held the prize for being the most tempting, tantalizing bazaar in which you find all kinds of trinkets, sweaters, CD's, and home decor you didn't realize you NEEDED until you saw them there.

Hopefully it's not too late for my daughters to see a "new me" as far as money is concerned. This is one legacy I don't want to pass along to them. Please, Lord, protect them from a future of being a slave to money, spending, and debt. You know that memory swipe in "Men in Black"? Maybe you could perform that on my sweet girls and implant good, sensible thoughts in there instead!

If you read this, say a prayer for me. I know Jesus will help me conquer this, if I do my part. It would be wonderful to be released from the bondage of the debt and always being behind syndrome. I've got to keep that in sight - freedom, peace of mind, and knowing I'm doing what honors God with my money.

Well, back to the "necessary evil" of balancing the checking account.