Test Results

I had my biopsy during the week of Labor Day so that prolonged the results a bit. Then, I received a phone call from the surgeon's office to let me know that it would be delayed even more because the lab was doing some specialized staining tests on my lump. When I asked why, I was told that they wanted to be sure of the results and needed to do further testing. In my heart I knew it was because there was something there that wasn't supposed to be there. Looking back over the whole experience I can honestly say that waiting for those results was the most trying experience. Even if they gave me a cancer diagnosis, at least I would know what it was, but not knowing and being delayed and delayed. I would go to work and try to be busy so my mind could relax, but I felt anxiety all through me, out to the very nerve endings in my skin.

In my heart I wavered because I thought, "I'm a Christian and I have faith, so I shouldn't be so afraid." Then I read some words from Dave Dravecky (a cancer survivor and believer) and it comforted me so much. I realized that the fear is part of the journey. I knew that Jesus was with me and that my life was in His hands, but my human nature was naturally fearful of possible death and the unknown. I kept reminding myself of the verses in chapter 4 of Philippians. I would repeat to myself Philippians 4:6-7, "Don't be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I craved God's peace. I knew what it meant to be desperate for Him like never before. It was a daily exercise: Reminding myself of God's promises, deciding to trust in Him and His love, trying to think of the things I was thankful for, and just making it through each day until I would hear the results.

Almost a week after my biopsy, the surgeon's office called me on my cell phone. I was in a Hallmark store looking at cards when it rang. "Dr. Billy wants to see you Monday to talk about your test results." With a lump in my throat, I agreed. I hurried home to John, who hugged me as I came in the door crying. I knew what it was. We talked with our daughters and prayed together. Now to wait the whole weekend before talking with Dr. Billy.

Monday came and it seemed to last an eternity! Finally I sat in Dr. Billy's office, on the exam table. John had met me there. Dr. Billy looked uneasy as he got right to the point, "The tumor turned out to be malignant. I was really surprised because it looked to me like a benign growth. It is invasive ductal cancer, the kind that can spread through the lymph nodes if not caught early enough." John and I just listened and looked at him, dumbfounded. "I recommend you have a mastectomy. We can get you scheduled for this Friday."