Happy Turkey Day

Well, another Thanksgiving is winding down. It's been a great day! Our family was just chillin' together. It was brilliantly sunny outside, but the wind was very cold. We even built a fire in the fireplace today - that was wonderful. We need to get some firewood though, as we kept it going with little sticks and twigs and that didn't last long, as I'm sure you can imagine. :) The turkey turned out well, as did all the other "fare" and we have very happy tummies now as we're lounging on the sofa and watching "Sister Act" on TV. (great line: "if this becomes a nun's bar, I'm outta here") Everyone needs a day like this once in a while. Lately I think I need a day like this everyday. Hmmmmmm....nah, that would get old pretty quickly.

Here's a little thankful list: (only scratches the surface)
My family, immediate and extended
Friends you can laugh with (ask the girls about this one) ha!
The love and forgiveness of God, through Jesus' sacrifice
Food
Clothes
Our home
Sunny, the sweet desert doggy
Sunny days
MUSIC!
The beauty of nature
Chocolate
Hugs
........just to mention a few

Like lil' Junior Asparagus sings on the Veggie Tales video, "A thankful heart is a happy heart." Too true, Junior, too true.

Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy!

I am so wimpy! My "flesh" is weak, even though my spirit longs for self-discipline. I have long struggled with careless spending of money, not large amounts at one time, just little stuff here and there that is not really necessary and drains the cash. I also had made it two months without diet coke and now have begun to drink it pretty regularly again. ARGH! That motivation I had initially to quit is gone and I wish it would come back.

I think it all boils down to self-satisfaction. I am a slave to it evidently. I let my wants and desires govern my actions. I can empathize with the frustration the apostle Paul expressed when he wrote, "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." (Romans 7:18-19) "When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (verses 23-25)

I'm at square one again. When I wasn't drinking soda, I was amazed to find dollars in my wallet for longer than ever before. It felt so good! Why is it the memory of that success and how good it feels isn't enough to keep me on track? I think it's a lesson in self-denial. I know I need to learn it. It's doubly difficult in our culture, where "self" is worshipped as the almighty diety in each of our lives and whatever satisfies "self" is the answer.

I guess this is why Jesus said that few choose the narrow path, but many choose the wide and easy road, which leads ultimately to destruction. It's as if there are lots of exit ramps from the narrow path, on which Satan tries to lure us onto the broad and seemingly blissful way he offers. There might be signs that read things like, "Exit 23: Harmless Addictions that Satisfy" or "Exit 62: Delicious Splurges for Fun". Thank Jesus there are also exit ramps from the broad way back to the narrow path with Jesus. We are so fortunate He is the Savior of another chance. (and another, and another...)

Diet coke isn't evil or necessarily harmful to me, but the behavior is one that needs to be excised from my heart. It would be one less area of "infection" in my spirit. No wonder I felt so free and peaceful when I was making headway a few months back. "Throw off everything that hinders and the sin which so easily entangles..." Hebrews 12:1

The words of Paul resonate in my heart whenever I read them, including these... "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (II Corinthians 12:7-10)

Flashback

This past weekend, I got a phone message from my doctor's office saying, "Dr. wants you to come back for another blood test." Since the nurse did not say the reason in the message, my thoughts immediately lurched to the idea that something was wrong and that maybe my cancer had come back. The tiny fear that it will come back is always lurking in my mind. Maybe it will...someday. Maybe not. I just remind myself to fall back into the arms of Jesus and again relinquish control over my life to Him. Whether or not it comes back, He is my Lord and Savior and He will take me through it all.

It turns out that my blood sugar was a little high and they needed to do a glucose tolerance test. It was a big relief to hear that! While I was at the hospital lab registering, getting the test and waiting, in my mind I flashed back to when I was sitting in that same spot two years ago getting ready for my bone scan and CT scan the day before my mastectomy. It almost brought me to tears. I was sitting there thinking, "Why is this making me emotional? I'm fine now and cancer-free." Perhaps it is emotion that hasn't fully been expressed from all I thought and felt that week back in September of 2003. After my surgery I was so groggy from the anesthesia that I feel like I don't remember much of my hospital stay. I remember two of my nurses (who were very caring) and remember discovering the drains that were attached to me post-surgery and wondering what they were. I remember the next day when I had a sponge bath (that hot water and soap on the washcloth felt so good) and sat up in the chair. My husband and girls came to see me and said they saw me through the window, sitting in the chair, and got excited that I was doing better.

I remember the morning I was supposed to be discharged my dad came to see me before he went back to work in Anderson, IN. It was early, about 6:00 a.m. My surgeon, Dr. Billy, came by and said that my blood levels were low and I was going to have to stay longer. My dad was there when I got that news and comforted me as I cried, wondering what was around the bend. He prayed for me and hugged me. His hand holding mine and warm smile were just the comfort I needed. He was the love of Jesus for me at that moment. Then, the surgeon came back in and asked if they had taken the blood from the same arm that I had the IV in. They had and the IV fluid had diluted my blood. When they took the IV out and tested my blood again it was fine and I was able to go home that day! Praise the Lord!

I remember a volunteer from the American Cancer Society coming to talk to me about my surgery, a temporary prosthesis for me to wear in my bra, and support groups. I remember looking at the soft, little nylon pouch she had brought, filled with pillow stuffing and saying to her, "That's going to be too big." She laughed and showed me that you could pull stuffing out to make it just right. While we visited, I floated in and out of consciousness on a cloud of morphine. Even though I would fall asleep right in the middle of sentences, she was very gracious and kind.

Whatever the case, I am thankful it is behind me at this point and for now I feel better than I ever have in my life. Every day is sweeter, every movement a blessing, every event more memorable, every hug more comforting. I praise God for my life as it is today. That's all he promised - today.

Diet Coke free

Hey, I made it (so far) and haven't had any diet coke for about two weeks now. I'm feeling great and drinking water like it's going out of style. I also chew quite a bit of gum. I just need to have something in my mouth! I saw a billboard the other day advertising a new diet coke made with splenda and had a fleeting thought of "Hey, I could drink that instead!" But knowing I'm an all or nothing kind of person, I decided to stay away from it altogether. I still crave it from time to time and miss drinking something sweet, but most of the time it's no big deal.

Haiku

sun shines warm and bright
coaxing little buds to bloom
joy radiating



(I helped a student write haikus today and it made me want to try)