Romans 8:39 “Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
“I have breast cancer.” The realization was slowly sinking in. My husband had gone down to the lobby to get me a drink since I thought I was going to pass out. I sat in the empty waiting room, staring at the floor, thoughts whirling inside my head. The surgeon’s wife, also his receptionist, came out to sit with me and squeezed my hand. The tears began to come and I confessed to her that I was afraid. “It’s natural to be afraid,” she told me as she hugged me close to her. “I want you to know something, though. Dr. Billy and I believe in prayer and we have been praying for you all week, knowing the possible diagnosis you would face.” When she said those words, a wonderful peace washed over me. Instantly, I realized that my situation was no surprise to the Lord. He had gone on ahead; even sent me to a surgeon who would lift me up in prayer! That was evidence to me that my heavenly Father was there, and He was working on my behalf. Psalm 139:3 says, “You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am.”
Just finally knowing what this little invading lump in my body was, brought me relief after the initial shock. This assurance of God's reality and help in my ordeal gave me strength. Going to work the next day was difficult, because all my friends were waiting to hear the results and my emotions were stretched to their limit from the waiting and then finally getting the results I feared. When I got out of my car Tuesday morning to go into the school where I work, I couldn't stop crying. I got back into the car and prayed, "Lord, I can't do this. You're going to have to help me face my friends and go on." I opened the door, sniffed and took a deep breath and walked into the building. My friends were so supportive and loving and the day went fine. The scripture that says, "I can do anything through CHRIST who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13) is true and was true for me that day.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Salty Christians
Have you heard the little saying, "Be a salty Christian so you can make others thirsty for Jesus" ?
This is a good reminder. Are we adding flavor to our surroundings, to the conversations we participate in, to the workplace, the home, the errands around town? Do we preserve and heal situations we're involved in? Or have we lost our flavor and influence in the circles where we work, play, and live?
Lord, keep me full of flavor and active for you. I know that I have to leave the salt shaker, too, and can't just stay in a little comfort cocoon. Pour me out, scatter me where you will, and even if I can't see the effect in those around me, please let my life have some lasting effect for you. That's all I want, Jesus. I want to be salty.
This is a good reminder. Are we adding flavor to our surroundings, to the conversations we participate in, to the workplace, the home, the errands around town? Do we preserve and heal situations we're involved in? Or have we lost our flavor and influence in the circles where we work, play, and live?
Lord, keep me full of flavor and active for you. I know that I have to leave the salt shaker, too, and can't just stay in a little comfort cocoon. Pour me out, scatter me where you will, and even if I can't see the effect in those around me, please let my life have some lasting effect for you. That's all I want, Jesus. I want to be salty.
Easter Poem, written April 2004
Guilt, shame, sin like a heavy burden crushes me.
I have no hope if you don’t set me free.
I’m not worthy of your love, Jesus, Savior,
I’m so sorry...please forgive me...forgive me.
Hope, love, acceptance shine like warm sunshine on my face.
Hallelujah! I’m saved! Jesus took my place.
The only thing I can do to thank you
is to give my life to You.
Thank you Jesus!
I have no hope if you don’t set me free.
I’m not worthy of your love, Jesus, Savior,
I’m so sorry...please forgive me...forgive me.
Hope, love, acceptance shine like warm sunshine on my face.
Hallelujah! I’m saved! Jesus took my place.
The only thing I can do to thank you
is to give my life to You.
Thank you Jesus!
Cancer is So Limited
What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited…
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot destroy peace,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot suppress memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot steal eternal life,
It cannot conquer the spirit.
- Source unknown
My dad sent this to me in an e-mail, the morning after my diagnosis. It encouraged me so much!
Cancer is so limited…
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot destroy peace,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot suppress memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot steal eternal life,
It cannot conquer the spirit.
- Source unknown
My dad sent this to me in an e-mail, the morning after my diagnosis. It encouraged me so much!
Friday, September 17, 2004
Test Results
I had my biopsy during the week of Labor Day so that prolonged the results a bit. Then, I received a phone call from the surgeon's office to let me know that it would be delayed even more because the lab was doing some specialized staining tests on my lump. When I asked why, I was told that they wanted to be sure of the results and needed to do further testing. In my heart I knew it was because there was something there that wasn't supposed to be there. Looking back over the whole experience I can honestly say that waiting for those results was the most trying experience. Even if they gave me a cancer diagnosis, at least I would know what it was, but not knowing and being delayed and delayed. I would go to work and try to be busy so my mind could relax, but I felt anxiety all through me, out to the very nerve endings in my skin.
In my heart I wavered because I thought, "I'm a Christian and I have faith, so I shouldn't be so afraid." Then I read some words from Dave Dravecky (a cancer survivor and believer) and it comforted me so much. I realized that the fear is part of the journey. I knew that Jesus was with me and that my life was in His hands, but my human nature was naturally fearful of possible death and the unknown. I kept reminding myself of the verses in chapter 4 of Philippians. I would repeat to myself Philippians 4:6-7, "Don't be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I craved God's peace. I knew what it meant to be desperate for Him like never before. It was a daily exercise: Reminding myself of God's promises, deciding to trust in Him and His love, trying to think of the things I was thankful for, and just making it through each day until I would hear the results.
Almost a week after my biopsy, the surgeon's office called me on my cell phone. I was in a Hallmark store looking at cards when it rang. "Dr. Billy wants to see you Monday to talk about your test results." With a lump in my throat, I agreed. I hurried home to John, who hugged me as I came in the door crying. I knew what it was. We talked with our daughters and prayed together. Now to wait the whole weekend before talking with Dr. Billy.
Monday came and it seemed to last an eternity! Finally I sat in Dr. Billy's office, on the exam table. John had met me there. Dr. Billy looked uneasy as he got right to the point, "The tumor turned out to be malignant. I was really surprised because it looked to me like a benign growth. It is invasive ductal cancer, the kind that can spread through the lymph nodes if not caught early enough." John and I just listened and looked at him, dumbfounded. "I recommend you have a mastectomy. We can get you scheduled for this Friday."
In my heart I wavered because I thought, "I'm a Christian and I have faith, so I shouldn't be so afraid." Then I read some words from Dave Dravecky (a cancer survivor and believer) and it comforted me so much. I realized that the fear is part of the journey. I knew that Jesus was with me and that my life was in His hands, but my human nature was naturally fearful of possible death and the unknown. I kept reminding myself of the verses in chapter 4 of Philippians. I would repeat to myself Philippians 4:6-7, "Don't be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I craved God's peace. I knew what it meant to be desperate for Him like never before. It was a daily exercise: Reminding myself of God's promises, deciding to trust in Him and His love, trying to think of the things I was thankful for, and just making it through each day until I would hear the results.
Almost a week after my biopsy, the surgeon's office called me on my cell phone. I was in a Hallmark store looking at cards when it rang. "Dr. Billy wants to see you Monday to talk about your test results." With a lump in my throat, I agreed. I hurried home to John, who hugged me as I came in the door crying. I knew what it was. We talked with our daughters and prayed together. Now to wait the whole weekend before talking with Dr. Billy.
Monday came and it seemed to last an eternity! Finally I sat in Dr. Billy's office, on the exam table. John had met me there. Dr. Billy looked uneasy as he got right to the point, "The tumor turned out to be malignant. I was really surprised because it looked to me like a benign growth. It is invasive ductal cancer, the kind that can spread through the lymph nodes if not caught early enough." John and I just listened and looked at him, dumbfounded. "I recommend you have a mastectomy. We can get you scheduled for this Friday."
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